Can broken hearts be re-broken? A series of unrelated events caused an effect I had not anticipated. I cried over a breakup that happened years ago. Where did that come from? It came up from such a deep place, somewhere I hadn’t tapped into in so long. I forgot it was there. I guess I’m still protecting myself, choosing to date men who won’t get to that place.
Well, I’ve decided to assume that the “too busy to date” is b.s. As much as I want to believe it, I think I’m going to drive myself insane if I do. If I want something bad enough, I make it happen. So with that, I will assume that the interest is just not there. It’ll make it easier to move on I suppose.
But if it is true, then I take it back! 
So my hooping life is awesome. I’ve been teaching classes since June, selling hoops, doing birthday parties and performing. My hooping persona is The Hoopanista.
Around January, I started taking Burlesque classes at the Rose City School of Burlesque. Yowza! Talk about empowering! I’ve developed a hooping burlesque persona called Chica Vroom. She is not very good at taking off her top yet but loves to hoop and remove articles of clothing whilst hooping in front of an audience. Next show is May 28th at Kelly’s Olympian. That’s right, Kelly’s Olympian, the first time my band, Gravy, played outside of someone’s basement!
I’ll explore the hooping/burlesque/band path at a later time. They happen to be merging at the moment and I suppose it’s a good time. I need to focus on things other than boys. hee hee.
I’m really not sure if that’s true or not. I want to believe that someone else has a more chaotic life than I imagine mine to be and that he was being honest when he said it’s too hard to do everything he wants to get done and see me at the same time. I want to believe that that’s just good boundary setting – something I totally suck at. I want to believe that his heart was aching knowing that sticking to his previously set goals, he would miss out on a potential relationship. By believing those things, it doesn’t sting so much. But why did he ask me out in the first place if he knew he was unavailable? Or was it the spending time with me make him decide to be unavailable? Ouch! and DAMN! he was beautiful, smart, talented and yummy.
Got accidentally stood up last night…we didn’t confirm a time or location to get together, missed each others phone calls, he fell asleep waiting for me to call back after he left a message that I didn’t see on my phone until a half hour after he left a voice message. He didn’t hear the phone ring when I did call back. It happens. But it sure did stir up a whole lot of not-feeling-so-sure-about-dating-again. Insecurities started to creep in, a little bit of anger, a whole lot of humiliation but then I took a deep breath, remembered the last date with this guy – which was spectacular – and accepted that I couldn’t change what was going on at the moment. Yeah, I was bummed but I already had a wonderful day that day up to that point. I focused on that, drew a Mr. Bubble and lavender sea salt bath and just soaked and relaxed. It felt good.
He did text early this morning to apologize. Got me thinking that he could’ve thought I was blowing him off last night as well.
Lesson learned: confirm time & location for a date!
When it comes to dating, I am a complete dork. I have no idea what to do after a couple of really awesome dates. With my friends, I call and email and text and chat away. But when it comes to guys I like, I suddenly feel self-conscious…why?
So I’ve been noticing that some online fellas aren’t really honest. Am I the first to notice this? OK, I suppose we all try to make ourselves look better on paper, if you will. But on a few of the dates I’ve gone on via online dating, the guys don’t look anything like the photos they’ve posted. Did they think I wouldn’t notice the 15 years that have passed since those photos were taken? Am I shallow? Or are they big, fat liars? Hmmm….
It’s an interesting dating option but probably not for me. It’s nice to chat and sort of start the getting-to-know-you process for sure but why end it with a lie?
Metro -
Silver bra, corset w/ zipper
Hawthorne Costume -
Silver make-up?
Fire Marshall
503-8223-3700
HoopCamp vacation request
Newsletter
NECC – GONE!
Gem Studio -
Hoop Fit Dance info
Workshops -
Village Ballroom
Well, it’s been awhile…I think my last post mentioned a marriage. It happened at Burning Man and it was spectacular. However, the relationship was a whirlwind of romanticism-meets-harsh-reality and I ended up putting the brakes on it and breaking a heart. I feel awful about it. But now that I’m coming out of the fog, I see that I ignored a hell of a lot of red flags throughout the entire process.
Let’s just say that in this past year I have learned the most expensive and valuable lesson to date. I am in a financial tailspin because I supported an unemployed man while I tried to start my own business shortly after I lost my own job; am pissed at myself for letting someone else convince me that there is something wrong with my capacity to love. Manipulation, I fell for it completely. I did not listen to my gut. grrrr!
Will it taint my feelings about future relationships? I think it’s made me question my judgment in my choice of partners more than anything. Slow is good. Actually getting to know the next person I date, ESSENTIAL!!!!
New playlists for classes
Vote!
Kinko’s – p/u class rosters
teach PCC class
p/u clothing rack for hoops @ target
swing by halloween store for after holiday costumes for LooLoo’s!
prepare for night hoop class
teach night hoop class
take down decorations